Anger and Infertility

When I pictured what my life would be like, I always pictured being a younger mom. I always pictured myself having several children. As I’m sure many of you know, life doesn’t happen the way you imagined it would. Over the past four years I’ve progressed through the stages of grief over the loss of that dream. I probably stayed in the “anger” stage for a little longer than I should have…

It’s so hard not to lose hope and become cynical. For the first few years I pictured in my mind what our baby boy or girl would look like. I wrote down my favorite baby names and any time I heard a new one in passing, I was sure to write it down. Any time now, it would be time to pull it out and narrow down the names. Now, I’m not even sure where my list of baby names is…

I went to a garage sale a few years ago and couldn’t help but buy a whole box full of gender-neutral baby clothes. It was such a good deal, and I was going to get to use them within the next few years, right? I’ve added a few things to that box over time, but now it’s stored away in the back corner of my closet.

I worked for ten years in Obstetric nursing, helping mothers welcome their new babies into the world. I witnessed life’s most amazing miracle every day at work. It never ceased to amaze me and I knew that it would soon be my time. I couldn’t be more excited to one day feel the kick of our child within my body, to hear its heart beat, to see the combination of Chad’s genetics with mine made into a tiny human…

Although this dream has yet to become a reality, (and I do still struggle with cynicism at times) there is still hope. I’ve had to learn to let go of the way I thought things should be, and remember that I am not in charge.

I know there are others out there in different stages of the grieving process struggling to maintain hope. What I can say to you is that the possibilities are amazing in the field of reproductive technology. There is support, there is hope, and there are options. You are not alone in this, as much as it might feel that way. The grief and loss you feel each month can be overwhelming; but you can ease the pain by seeking out the validation and encouragement that is available from others traveling a similar path. If any of this sounds familiar to you, then I’d like to encourage you to reach out to us and share your story. Or if you know of someone who is struggling with infertility, will you please share this with them?

Hardesty House Infertility is new. We are just starting to reach out, but we are growing. Together we can build a community of caring people who want to build up the value of family in our world, and be a light to those around us who are battling infertility.

I’d also like to take a moment to say, “Thank you!” I am so grateful for the incredible words of encouragement and the awesome generosity of several people who have donated to our cause. We still have a long way to go before we will be able to move forward with any procedures, but with your support we will get there! Please continue to pray for us and, if you are able, please help make our dream of having a baby a reality by donating today. Again, thank you, thank you, thank you!

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” – Jeremiah 29:11

– by Hilary Hardesty

One thought on “Anger and Infertility

  • For ten years this woman has worked in Obstetric nursing, helping mothers welcome their new babies into the world. She witnessed life’s most amazing miracle every day at work. Let’s help her have a miracle of her own!

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